camphill adventures

2006-05-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

summertime!!! the humidity has arrived! i'm actually glad for it, i love the heat. and it's soooooooo lush and green and hilly and pretty around here....gorgeous, i tell you.
sorry for all the complaining and sadness last time...the funk has moved on. i feel pretty glorious and happy once again. hurrah! this weekend was bee-u-tiful...we...drum roll please...opened the beaver run pool, which probably holds the title for most-peed-in pool ever, but let's not dwell on that...i had my first official lifeguarding experience (oh yeah, thanks to beaver run i'm a certified lifeguard now. pretty cool. if you get into trouble in the water, don't worry. i can save you. and i have a pretty nice whistle.) watching over a pool of special needs kids is a bit stressful, actually, ( at moments i felt like i would be the one to have a seizure) but also fun to watch everyone play...
lots of the kids went home over the weekend, so we all got extra time off. went to a music festival in philly, so much fun and refreshing to be out in that world again. dancing is such a beautiful release. and we had a really lovely barbeque with the entire community yesterday...i love it when we all get to come together, and just eat and play together...even when you're dashing around making sure chris isn't biting courtney, and natalie isn't devouring the dessert table, there are still moments of peacefulness, and it's still a super good time.
the garden is amazing!! so much lettuce, and onions, and garlic, and sweet peas and parsley. we planted the tomatoes, and the herb garden is pretty lovely too...lots and lots of chamomile and oregano, basil, lavender, cilantro, so many different kinds of sage, rosemary...lovely. i'm working on building up the herb garden outside our house, but it's kind of slow going. anyway, we'll git 'er done soon.
i get to go home in a week! yippee!! for four whole days! my little sister monica is graduating from high school (!!!!!!!!!) and my wonderful friends billy and emily are getting married (!!!!!!!!!) so much excitement, i just might burst. i better go. before i burst.

2006-05-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

we sowed radish seeds in the garden the other day...radish seeds are tiny. someday they will grow up to be great big radishes (well, i mean, as big as a radish gets...). within that little tiny seed there is all the potential for the plant, for life, for growth. not so long ago the earth was barren, the trees bare. now everything is exploding with growth, and green. the world is amazing.
and yet i still feel heartache-y lately. quite a lot. if alone-ness is the presence of oneself, and lonliness is the absence of the other...well, i guess i'm feeling them both very acutely. somehow, regardless of how beautiful my life is, and that i am surrounded by people who love me. while beautiful, it's also busier than anything, and hectic, and stressful, and everyone's just trying to cope with their own thing so much that we often miss each other. it's like we take care of the kids so much, we struggle to take care of ourselves, and sometimes end up completely forgetting to take care of our peers...i struggle with finding that balance.
some other things i've been pondering lots...
what it means to truly love unselfishly, without expecting anything in return, without any selfish motives, to truly take myself out of the equation. to love and give knowing that those you give to can't give back to you in the same way, maybe not in any way that you can see or feel immediately...what they do give is actually much deeper, but it takes time to realize it. maybe you love and try your best to help, and you get slapped in the face, or bitten, or kicked, or your shirt gets ripped. either you keep trying as lovingly as you can, or if you can't do it with love anymore you walk away until you can come back in gently.
everyone has a limit.
no one is infinitely patient.
and loving unselfishly means to truly desire the other's joy and happiness, without regard to how it may make you feel. their happiness brings you happiness.
pain is transformation.
it is by going through the fire that we come out stronger, able to withstand things which we could not before.
but dang, fire hurts.
i'm feelin' the burn.

2006-05-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

so, drum roll, please....i have decided, officially, to stay here through december. sorry for all the suspense, those who have suffered. i apologize.
so yeah, beaver run isn't quite finished with me yet, i've decided. i don't know what they beginning of next year will look like quite yet, but hopefully i'll live in the same house with high school students, keep teaching the yoga elective for high schoolers, and a class for co-workers, work on the land and in the barn, and teach drama and circus arts as an evening activity. i think it'd be cool for the kids to put together some kind of production and then take it out into the wider community, visiting nursing homes and other schools and things. because lots of volunteers come and give to and work within this community, but these kids have something to offer to the wide world, too. and that way in a sense they're also giving back to all the outside support they recieve.
a friend and i also have this idea to start an herb-workshop elective with the high schoolers, making teas and soaps and salves and tinctures and things. it'd be good activites like stirring and grinding are good therapeutically for lower functioning students, and then the higher functioning ones can also help in more detail with those processes, and also with making labels and sorting and packaging and whatnot. and it's so therapeutic for them to be working with plants, and creating healing, natural materials for the rest of the community...yeah. we'll see.
easter here was so beautifully beautiful. the whole school worked together to create a play, which told the goethe's story of the green snake and the beautiful lily ( a very complex allegory about...?) and we then performed it together over the course of the week before easter, called holy week, filled with all kinds of special events. we all did land work together as a community in the mornings, had very special silent supper and this beautiful ceremony on thursday as remembrance of the last supper. good friday was a little too somber for me, but i guess it is a pretty somber day. and then easter sunday was SO beautiful, waking up to bells being played at dawn, and having a lovely celebration as a community, and then a beautiful brunch, and by brunch i mean the biggest feast one can imagine. i kind of learned to make ukranian easter eggs during lent, where you use this very delicate tool and create designs using wax and beautiful dyes, and then blow the the inside of the egg out so it's left hollow. they take sooooooo much time and patience, but they're very pretty. and my family came!!! well, some of them. the day after my birthday, which was the best best best gift ever.
the weather is beautiful, although we're having a bit of a drought. but it's so goregous and green, and aside from feeling quite stressed about the amount of seminar work i have to finish by the end of the month, life is good. but my goodness, do i miss all of you people!

2006-04-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

so. beaver run's a pretty great place. the world's also a big, beautiful place, as of yet largely undiscovered by myself. i say this because i'm at a bit of a crossroads...i need to decide whether or not to stay on here for another year...by tomorrow. anybody?
i have a SUCH a travel itch, an urge to spend just years wandering and exploring, i want to travel to india desperately (more and more so every time i look at your blogs, k and linds) and study yoga and see what working with special needs' kids is like there, and visit the adult camphill community there, and just be in india! i've also got a major pull to return to africa, go work in the camphill children's village in botswana, or a women's collective farm and school for orphaned children in kenya, or go back to ghana...or go wwoof in alaska, or do an internship on a biodynamic farm in tennessee...or travel to central america...!!!! but then of course i'm doing volunteer work, and how would i pay for any of this? and all of these things will still be around next june...

i really really really love the kids here, the way we work and learn and grow with them, how self aware and honest they force me to be, the sometimes painful ways they teach me. the community is also beautiful and supportive, a bit too north-western european for my taste, but i still have complete freedom to be who i am. and within the community as a whole i have a small, precious circle of beautiful like-minded friends whom i feel so close to, and who are just so much fun! if i stayed on i could continue to teach yoga (i'm teaching a yoga elective for the high schoolers this term, starting in two weeks...wish me luck!), both to groups of students and one-on-one as therapy, and keep working in the garden and on the land, learning about biodynamics and organic farming...i could work with the bees and have andreas teach me all he knows, could keep on with all the community art projects and festival life we're just beginning (making murals, puppets, natural sculptures...)...the seminar's amazing, and i'd love to continue that for another year...i could help lead a drama group for the students...oh dear....and yet the thought of being in the same place for another year somehow makes me a little restless...

oh, and did i mention beaver run has offered to possibly pay for me to take a trip to india during the month of august we have off, to study yoga and visit a camphill there...!!!!

help!

2006-04-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

wow. it has been a very long long time, huh?sorry. i hope someone still reads this...the long absence is pretty inexcusable, i mean, it's not like i don't have anything to write about...
well, happy springtime everyone!!! i hope all of your spirits are blossoming right along with the forsythia and magnolia and daffodils and all the other pretty pretty flowers...spring comes a bit sooner here than it does in frigid chicago...which i am lovin! the leaves haven't returned yet, but they will soon, in all their green glory. even the rain is refreshing, promising new growth...the smell of springtime is definitely one of my most favorite scents.
so....hmmm, where do i begin? we just had a two week spring break, and it was a completely and totally bee-u-tiful two week chunk o' time. four lovely lovely friends and i roadtripped down to north carolina, visited friends at warren wilson college and daydreamed about going back to school their someday and studying sustainable agriculture or outdoor education or appalachain music or some such nonsense...it's a gorgeous place. 1000 acres in the mountains of north carolina (this is where last of the mohicans was filmed, ya'll), a work study school, so everyone works on a crew in addition to taking classes...they have a college farm, raise cows, pigs, and horses, a big ole vegetable garden, women's herb garden, a blacksmith shop, an eco-dorm with composting toilets, kickin' music, art, and theatre programs...school sponsored extracurricular sports include ultimate frisbee and climbing...it's a pretty rad place to learn. the night we rolled in, we had just brought in our bags when we heard bluegrass being played out in the common area, a group of kids just randomly playing togther and one girl step-dancing. one of the kids knew how to call squaredancing, so we all just danced for hours...one day we went for a beautiful 4 hour hike in the hills, climbing trees, playing in the river...such a lovely place, filled with lovely people. after a few days we decided we needed more heat, though, and meandered south, taking our time and ending up all the way down in key largo....lindsay, your home state is BEAUTIFUL.
white sandy beaches, breathtaking tropical vegetation, the everglades, SO many herons and ibises, and egrits and i don't even know what else but they were awe-inspiring, and alligators!!! just hanging out on the side of the path through this park where we did a 15 mile bike ride gawking at all the amazing wildlife...and the OCEAN!!! we all got salty and sunburned and very very happy...life is grand. it was a stellar vacation, most especially so because the beautifully open and fun lovin and good hearted cats i was with...it's such a blessing to connect so deeply with people you've only known a short time...they remind me so much of my chicago family, and how much i miss and love you all. now i have a beaver run family, too. how blessed...
...next time i'll actually write something about beaver run herself ( and i promise it'll be sooner than 3 months' time), but for now i'm still revelling in the glory of vacation...love love love!to each and everyone of you...

2006-01-17T17:22:00.000-08:00

happy new year, all. new beginnings, new thoughts, new dreams. methinks this will be an exciting year. and a good one...
i hope the holidays were joyful and happy for all. it was lovely to have such a massive break (two and a half weeks, phew!) and happily, it's been just as lovely to return to beaver run. the long break also thankfully has seemed to fade memories of the paradise play (the story of the fall of adam and eve is performed a few days before the shepherds' play, the story of the shepherds coming to meet the baby jesus, is performed on christmas eve. the shepherds' play is very sweet and joyful...full of warmth. the paradise play...not so much. adam and eve incur god's wrath, he sends an angel with a flaming sword to drive them out of paradise, the devil (that was me) is running around with a chain in a scary-if-you're-under-the-age-of-twelve-or-so costume shrieking about the flames of hell...yeah. why do we perform this for children, you might ask? not entirely sure. it's very, shall we say...conservative? oh but it's supposed to be redemptive in the end, you see, because the devil gets what's coming to him (the devil and god are both male characters, by the way) and is condemned to writhe along in the dust on his belly, and adam and eve have attained knowledge of good and evil, thus free will. in case it's not obvious, i'm not sure how i feel about the plot of this here paradise play and how it's presented, but it was a cool experience to be a part of something with so much history, and that was at it's core simple storytelling...people from the community presenting the play as a gift to the rest of the community. that was nice)...don't get me wrong, it was a blast to play the devil. but a bit odd to actually scare little children. one little girl, erin, who happens to be very aggressive herself, was so afraid she had to be taken out, and kept yelling "no snake, no snake!". and the older kids, who knew it was me, for the remaining few days before vacation kept referring to me as the devil in day-to-day life...it was funny...but i think i'm glad they're over it now.
it truly is so wonderful to be back with the students...i didn't realize how much i missed them until they all started coming back last sunday. as trying and exhausting as they can be sometimes, they make me laugh everyday, reminding me of the humour and beauty of life, they inspire me in the way they overcome their challenges and limitations, they keep me creative and teach me so much about myself, the world, what it means to be human, what i'm doing with what i've been given, they're helping me discover how to live my own truth in a gentle, gracious, and respectful way...in short, they're fabulous. you should all meet them. really, you should.
i've put off doing my heaps and heaps of seminar homework long enough, it's really getting shameful. thus i must sign off.
oh, but first, i hereby dedicate this entry to the pigs...they're probably bacon by now...

2005-12-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

my grandfather musing about what a wonderful life he's been blessed with...
"i've known and worked with a lot of fabulous people. life is all about the people we get to know. we can do nothing by ourselves."
happy christmas to all.

2005-12-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

happy santa lucia, everyone. in honor of fair st. lucia, bringer of light into darkness, at 5 o'clock this morning several of us young ladies, dressed in white robes with gold star wreaths on our heads and bearing candles, went 'round to all the houses in the village. one person is santa lucia, wearing an advent wreath with four lit candles on her head, carrying a basket filled with fresh-baked saffron buns (which are mighty tasty, by the way) and the others hold candles in their hands. we went singing into all the children's rooms and left buns for each of them. as you can imagine, it was quite magical and sweet, especially the little ones with their huge, sleepy eyes. some of the special kids were really funny, with comments like "you're not an angel, you're emily," and "hey get outta here." some really woke up and were all excited, some just quietly smiled, and some just pulled their blankets back over their heads! in one house our candles set off the smoke detector, which was hilarious...all in all, it was beautiful. and walking through the village so early, stars still sparkling, the moon hanging low and full and golden-orange in the sky, the cold COLD air kissing one's face...it's such a soft glowof warmth and light gently brought into each house...apparently the tradition comes from scandinavia, where it happens on the darkest day of the year, and also from italy, where, when christianity was forbidden by the romans and people were practicing secretly down in the catacombs, st. lucia came down bringing food, and in order to carry food with both hands and still light her way, she wore the candles on her head. a celebration with multiple origins, how nice.
advent time here is nice in general. lots of baking, candle dipping, singing and music making by candlelight, decorating the houses with beautiful folded paper stars, making fires and warm drinks and playing in the snow!!! last weekend we took the kids to a gospel choir concertand we have the paradise play this week for the children, and the shepherds' play next week. it's neat to be a part of that tradition as well...with each of these special traditions, knowing that we're connected to something that's happened for hundreds of years, and that happens right now in other camphills all over the world...and i get to wear an evil-looking mask and a funny devil's tail and scare little children, which is obviously the real reason i'm doing it.
but seriously...it really is a beautiful life here. sometimes i think i could stay a long time...
there's a lot lot lot of stimulation for the kids right now though, and for some it's too much. i've actually been hit, kicked, and bitten a lot over the last two weeks...but in just one week we have a break for 17, can you believe it SEVENTEEN glorious days. amen brothers and sisters.
i hope the joy and wonder of this time of year is as potent for all of you as it is for me, and i wish you all love and peace...and kisses...and hugs.

2005-11-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

it's nearly a week after thanksgiving, and i think my tummy is still full...what a fortunate and blessed person i am. and a very thankful one. it was so so soooooo lovely to be in chicago and hug and kiss all my dear dear friends there, and feel awed and inspired by and proud of all of my amazing friends' accomplishments and dreams...even if it did feel as though i was only there for the blink of an eye. and equally lovely it was to be home and spend thanksgiving with my beautiful family...it's really amazing, when i arrived in chicago, it felt like coming home. and when i left chicago and arrived in michigan, it again felt like coming home. and then leaving michigan and arriving back in beaver run ALSO felt like coming home...i have three deliciously homey places, and i got to experience them all in less than a week! i tell you, life is good.
so the days are getting shorter and darker, the leaves've all left the trees, giving the forest that somewhat spooky, grey, end-of-november feel before the snow comes to blanket it all with sparkley whiteness. and advent is here, which is a big deal in camphill...we spend the first days back making beautiful advent wreaths out of pine branches and ribbon and pine cones and holly berries and hand-dipped candles, and the next three weeks will be filled with singing and baking and folding beautiful paper stars to decorate the house, and wichtel-ing (wichtel is german, comparable to secret santa gift giving), and fires in the fireplace (hurrah!!). i LOVE this time of year.
the first sunday of advent we had the advent garden, which is one of the most beautiful traditions i've ever experienced. it's done in all waldorf schools, and karl konig, the founder of camphill, actually became inspired to create villages for handicapped children after taking part in an advent garden for the first time, so it's an especially precious tradition in all camphills. it takes place indoors, a large spiral path is made from live moss, flowers, crystals, and tree stumps. in the center of the spiral is a candle. at the beginnning, with music playing, someone dressed as mary walks to the center of the spiral and lights the candle, then walks out. someone is also dressed as the angel, all in white, and leads each of the children, from the tiniest babies through fourteen years of age, one at a time, through the spiral. those that can go by themselves, others with a coworker accompanying them. the children each have an apple with a candle in it, which they carry with them to the center of the spiral, light their candle from the greater flame in the center, then walk out of the spiral. and as they walk out they place their lit candle somewhere along the moss spiral. while each child walks, everyone else in the community is present (the older children are there watching) and singing, and about 8 of us played instruments (lyres, cellos, flutes, and my viola). and when the last child has walked through, the dim lighting goes out completely, leaving just the candlelit spiral illuminated...it's a very beautiful ceremony symbolizing the younger childrens' coming into their own individuality, taking this journey through the spiral on their own, receiving their inner light from the greater light in the center, and carrying it out individually and independently, finding a place for their light in the garden of life...so, so beautiful to see each child take this journey in their own way, some striding through with confidence, others moving very solemnly, others uncertain and timid, others led slowly by the hand...needless to say, i was brought to tears several times by the gentle wonder of it all...
and now, dear friends, regrettably i must fly. i have play rehearsal in an hour, i think i'm supposed to have my lines memorized, and alas, they are not quite. every year in advent time, beaver run puts on the paradise play (story of the fall of adam and eve), and the shepherd's play (how the shepherds come to view the baby jesus). these plays are another camphill tradition, called the oberufer plays, which were handed down and performed since medieval times by the small tribe of players living on an island in the middle of the rhine...the tradition was fading away when a friend of rudolf steiner's introduced him to them, and they wrote the plays down and thus they've been performed in waldorf schools and camphills ever since. i'm in the paradise play in the role of....the devil. it's true.

2005-11-01T15:06:00.000-08:00

happy day-after-halloween...
here's to jack-o-lanterns, roasted pumpkin seeds, paper-bag-lantern-lit paths, bonfires, homemade pretzels and cider and muffins and many other delicious sugary treats, spooky corn mazes in the dark, houses decorated with colorful leaves and gourds, candlelit suppers and butternut squash soup, and costumes and face paint galore! halloween is fun. life is fun. i miss you all. nuf said.

2005-10-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

i need to give a big shout out of love and thanks and praise to my parents...for all your constant support and encouragement and patience, for all the times i screwed up and you forgave me, for all the sacrifices you made to give me the beautiful life i've had...because now i'm beginning to know what it feels like to be a parent: to constantly place someone else's needs ahead of your own, to sacrifice your personal time and space, to be always aware of anothers' safety and well-being, to be awakened at 3 in the morning, to clean up someone's pee and wash them and get them in fresh clothes only to discover they've wet themselves again half an hour later (how is that even possible?!?!), to cut someone else's toenails and fingernails, wash and sort their laundry, cook for them, deal with their temper tantrums when you have to say no to something...okay that's enough complaining. sorry. the moral of the story is, mom and dad, THANK YOU. thank you to all parents everywhere. ...
except some parents who can't seem to accept how beautiful and precious their children are, regardless of their disability....who have ridiculous expectations, are obsessed with their child's weight and appearance instead of their health and well-being, who make kids feel like they're not good enough, who straight-up neglect their kids, rarely come to visit, and send their children to respite care over EVERY vacation and never bring them home....these parents are frustrating. these children are the most unique personalities i've ever met...every single one stands out as an individual more brilliantly than any other people i've known, maybe because they don't carry the inhibitions that most of us do...whatever the reason, they're impossible not to love, no matter how challenging they can be...it's very hard to understand how some parents don't seem to realize this...
mind you, most of the parents are wonderful, and i realize how difficult it must be to have a child with special needs, send them to a special school away from home, etc. apologies for the sermon, it's been something of a tough week...
but the pennsylvania autumn is still stunningly beautiful...the gorgeous trees even rival wild, wonderful west virginia's fall display. we have a porch covered in freshly carved pumpkins, there'll be a bonfire and storytelling and oh-so-many costumes for halloween. i'm discovering the magic of art therapy through painting and clay modeling (the human ear is quite a difficult thing to mold, if you've never tried). i'm playing more classical music than i have in a while...all the other stringed-instrument player here are more into quartets than bluegrass...i will have to amend this, i think...but my viola does like playing mozart and vivaldi again. relationships with the kids are deepening and growing, and inspiration abound within the community...life is good. big hugs and kisses to all...and send love to your parents for me...

2005-10-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

it's a great day to be alive...sunny and clear, the sky a brilliant blue, and the hills awash with red and orange and marigold...i went for a long walk this morning and happened upon two deer, one a very small doe not even ten feet away from me. apparently i do not inspire fear into the hearts of deer...perhaps they sense i am vegetarian.
days off are lovely. when they only roll around once a week, one sure does appreciate them a lot more. some rare, peaceful time to myself makes all the difference in the world...
here are some things i think are cool:
*waldorf education
*pumpkin picking (our porch is currently littered with 15 robust, handpicked pumpkin)
*beaver run harvested honeycomb, which is so sweet it gives me a headache but i eat it anyway
*the zodaic
*eurythmy: this beautiful, flowy, spirtual-y form of movement apparently based on spirit forms in the universe...i know, i know, it sounds a bit out-there (because it is), but it's really very therapeutic, trust me. we took the kids to see eurythmy performed to dvorak's new world symphony in harrisburg...it's like lyrical dance meets movement to music meets tai chi, yet it's all very structured and they wear these lovely flowing colored robes and have these spaced-out, otherworldly looks on their faces...i'm not sure what to make of it yet. we do it with the kids, and i'll be taking a class on it as part of seminar in a few months, hopefully i'll be more insightful following.
*classical music in coffee shops...another outing we took our kids on. amazing: a simple trip to a coffee shop, a mug of hot chocolate, good company and little out-of-tune live music, simple things i might totally take for granted, and our kids were having the time of their lives.
*kathleen, taylor, akil, courtney, charles, tyler, julianna, jonathon, michael, and joshua...these are the kids i live with. they are by far the coolest. ever.
so saturday was more than a little stressful...tunde and jenny, the other female coworkers in our house, were both off, so i was responsible for our girls, plus elena, a student from another house who needed to be with us because that house was short-staffed. our girls are all verbal, quite lively,and independent, very emotional and dramatic...elena is very different. she's severely autistic, doesn't speak, physical movement is very difficult for her and she moves very very slowly. working with her is so challenging because i really have no idea how she perceives and experiences the world. so trying to balance her needs within our rowdy house can be really taxing, and at one point i was so worn out trying to juggle everything, almost to the point of tears, and she took be by the head with both hands, very gently, and lifted my head so my eyes met hers (she rarely makes eye contact), and just gave me the most beautiful smile. it was as though she was looking at me from this other realm, this other plane of existence, letting me into her world for just a moment...reminding me that it is possible to be peaceful amid the storm, and it really is beautiful to be alive.

2005-10-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

so first and foremost, i must say a heartfelt thank you to all you beautiful loved ones for your constant love, encouragement, and support. it really means so much, and as corny as it may sound, does help one through difficult moments, of which there happen to be many, so all this amazing encouragment has been serving me well! thank you thank you thank i love love love you all...
autumn is truly showing her colors now, and the hilly pennsylvania countryside looks more beautiful every day...the bursts of orange, yellow, and red compliment the heavy periwinkle of the sky perfectly...it's lovely to live in the country this time of year. before long the leaves will fall, the kids (and i) will jump in enormous piles of them, and large quantities will be added to the compost heaps. large quantities of hot chocolate will be added to my tummy. autumn is my favorite.
living in a setting dominated by europeans (did i mention there are a lot of germans here? because there are...europeans of all varieties, but mostly germans. sometimes it feels like living in some kind of german colony, i think...not quite as international as they make themselves out to be, but that's okay), americans being a bit of a minority, has really given me a new perspective on what it means to be american, and represent america. we had an americorps meeting a few weeks ago with volunteers from all 3 camphill communities in this area, and i have to confess, i got a bit teary at one point, really inspired by a bill clinton quote "there's nothing wrong with america that can't be fixed by what's right with america." now i openly admit to being a starry-eyed idealist, but i think what's right with america, in terms of volunteerism, renewable energy, a rising consciousness, awareness, and questioning of what democracy really means and what we as individuals have the power to do, of people using their voices, in terms of alternative education and organic agriculture, in terms of communities like this one, of people who care enough to educate themselves with experience and use it to change things for the better, in any way that they can...i think that what's right with america is pretty damn powerful, and that's exciting, right?
these american kids i'm sharing life with are also pretty damn exciting, as well as amazing and inspiring. we have a concert for the students every thursday, kids and adults from the community play music, we sing, it's all very therapeutic for the kids and lovely in general. and this thursday all of the high school kids performed a song together...they chose "we shall overcome." considering the limitations these kids are overcoming as they each move toward becoming as independent as possible, it was pretty poignant. singing with the kids (which we do often) always makes me grin in a huge way regardless, it's just so off-key, and filled with lively personality...and so SO off-key. yeah, i 've basically fallen madly in love with each of the students...you all really oughtta come and visit, so you can fall in love with them, too.
as part of the seminar program i'm in (training course in curative education, to be exact), we each have a mentor, and choose a specific area to focus on with this lovely person...anyway, i've decided to research renewable energy and green building options for beaver run, as (aside from recycling and composting) there's surprisingly little happening here regarding either. hopefully i can get somethings moving and move toward creating an even healthier living environment for the children.
and my new dream is to learn to play the harp. so there.

2005-10-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

apologies for the longish absence...i've been busy jumping out of airplanes. well, okay jumping out of one airplane...skydiving is utterly, utterly amazing, folks....crazy and frivolous (i think i mispelled that?), yes, but SOOOOO much fun. we went to this place just south of philadelphia, one a crystal clear, gorgeous day, and as i leapt out of the flying machine from two and a half miles high (with an instructor firmly attached to me, blah blah blah), i could see the atlantic ocean...shoot, i'm pretty sure i could see the whole world! puts things in perspective...and it's the oddest sensation, i only felt that stomach-leaping-into-throat falling feeling for the first 2 or 3 seconds...after that, there's certainly an intense amount of pressure and the speed is overwhelming (apparently one falls at a rate of 120 mph...1000 feet every 5 seconds!), but i felt like i was flying...and the buoyancy of parachuting after freefalling for sixty seconds is positively lovely....i highly, HIGHLY (katie, that's for you) recommend it...
and so after the craziness of jumping out of an airplane, back to the craziness of beaver run...we celebrated michealmas last week (the festival of the archangel michael...the religious aspect of camphill is a bit weird at times, i must admit, but i love a good festival...seemed to focus more on thankfulness for the harvest-time and giving back to the earth than michael throwing the devil out of heaven, anyway, which is a-okay by me) with cider-pressing, bread baking, bulb planting, music, movement, and a delightful outdoor meal with the entire community...celebrations are such a major part of life here, as they should be everywhere, right? what better way to say thank you for one's life than preparing and enjoying food you've grown together, making music and dancing and laughing together....no matter how tough it gets sometimes, i'm generally pretty convinced i'm living in a patch of paradise, and counting my blessings every day...

2005-09-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

first of all, happy belated birthday to mr. brad smith...the birth date of such a fantastic human is one that certainly deserves continued celebration. and happy happy early birthdays to my beloved father, beautiful sister, and wonderful grandfather. and yes, michelle, the pigs do have names, however these names vary depending upon who you ask, some of the highlights are mr. stinky, wabbawabba, and shania twain (!!!!!!this was tyler's, one of our high school boys, one of the loveliest and most hilarious people i've ever met...he sings almost constantly, and for an epileptic has one hell of a memory for song lyrics) ...i think they deserve names even if they will be turned into bacon someday, right? ( in fact, i've secretly named one of them Bacon, but shhh, that's a secret, my cruel, cruel secret..) and for those who haven't spent time with pigs, they are fascinatingly weird animals...and they really will eat ANYTHING.
but enough about the pigs...
the other day we took some of the kids apple picking in the small orchard at the bottom of the hill, then boiled them and made hand-ground applesauce for supper...hurrah for growing your own food! i definitely saved a stash of apples for making pie...we have two birthdays in the house this week, after all, pie is in order!
folks've been asking what a "typical day" is like here (that doesn't exist in beaver run, by the way), so here's my best shot at a description...
we get the kids up at seven (that's right, family, i'm up at 6:30 EVERY SINGLE DAY, can you believe it?) and then it's adventures in using the toilet, dressing, brushing teeth, washing faces, beginning to wash peed bedding, etc until morning circle (involving lighting a candle and singing a song together) and breakfast, then the kids leave/are taken to school, and depending upon the day, either cleaning or cooking in the house, or classroom helping...i help in the oh-so-rowdy 6th and 7th grade class with 7 thirteen and fourteen year old boys and 2 girls...its' a party everyday, let me tell you. school finishes for the morning at 12:30, we have lunch in the house together, then the kids have rest hour, then crew in the afternoon- i work in the pottery and the garden...beginning to learn a bit about this mystery of biodynamic...although thus far we've most ly just been weeding and making compost...lots and lots of compost. then home again for supper, evening activities, again depending on the day, from club night to bible supper to games and activities in the house, SHOWERS (can be very exciting, really, you have no idea), evening circle and bedtime. the weekends are a bit more laid back, we take the kids on outings, nature walks, and have a little more freedom in terms of what we do with the kids. special olympics has begun, so we take those kids that are capable bowling on saturdays (i've never had so much fun bowling sober!)
...i've learned so much from the kids already, and recently have really begun to ponder what it means to be human, and what existence is really all about...what does it mean to exist as a human when you can't walk or eat or poop or clean yourself or even really sit up on your own? it can be such a challenge to truly empathize, and really try to understand what these kids' experience of the world is, and give them the respect and freedom and choices they deserve, rather than simply sympathizing and thinking "oh you poor thing, you're so bad off, let me help you with every little thing." it's so important that as much as possible, they learn to be independent...and yet, it can be so difficult and heartbreaking to try and give a child what they need and want, and understand seemingly crazy behavior, when they have no way of communicating to you what it is that want, what's troubling them , what hurts, what makes them happy, etc... hmmm. patience, i guess. these things take time.
i got hooked up with americorps while i'm here, a fairly simple process, and so at the end of the year i'll be getting an education award of $4,725, which is very cool, and can hopefully go toward montessori training. and hopefully volunteering with some of the displaced new orleans residents in philadelphia on my day off, beginnning soonish. not next week though, because the red cross paperwork still has to go through, so instead a group of us are probably going SKYDIVING!!! wooooohoooooo! i mean if i can't volunteer yet anyway....
oh and andreas set up his cider press, so next week we're pressing apple cider!!!! autumn is clearly the loveliest season of all (i think i say that about every season as it's happening, but autumn really is my favorite)...speaking of this, i think an autumn rainstorm might be rolling in, so it's time to make my trek from the library back to beaver run...but i just need to take a moment to once again proclaim how amazing my loved ones are, from my rock star sign-language-teaching sister to paramedic-school-prepping riley, red-cross volunteer brandyn to expert-vegetable-growing michelle to packing-his-brain-full-o-knowledge nicholas, anthony and danny and kyle and company holding down the fort in chi-town, and katie and lindsay beginning their amazing adventures in india!!!!! meg in new zealand, elise taking the acting world by storm in chicago...(a hint here folks...if i haven't mentioned your name, let me know what amazing things you're doing as well!!!) whew! so many beautiful people, so little time!

2005-09-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

so shakespeare is coming in handy...
one of our girls, taylor, is 16 with a flair for the dramatic and the ability to throw some AMAZING temper tantrums (hitting, biting, kicking, screaming and crying extremely melodramatically), and can be quite difficult, but she loves melodrama, soooo one way of getting her moving when she gets stuck is to play out scenes with her (most effective if she gets to be the star, and preferably a princess). the other day the only way i could get her to finish our walk through the woods was to play a midsummer night's dream the entire trek back. i had to be oberon, of course, and taylor was a slightly gimpy-yet-graceful queen titania (she has epilepsy and her left side drags a bit)...and thus the fairy queen made it home in time for supper...maybe it sounds like a small victory, but trust me, every little bit counts around here.
the kids arrived nearly a week and half ago, and in one sense the time's flown by, in another, so much has happened it feels like we've all been here for years. these kids are fascinating, gorgeous, frustrating, and hilarious...in the ten days i've known them we've had utterly joyous and hysterical dance parties and mini-concerts around the piano in the evening, i've changed diapers, learned to bathe and brush the teeth of an eighteen-year-old, cleaned up shit, urine, and blood, cooked my first meal for twenty (a mountain of fajitas, i tell you, seemed to go over quite well...our pickiest eater, joshua, who generally needs to be spoon fed at meals,informed me that i'm "really good cooker!"), learned what to do when a child has a seizure, learned the signs for thank you, good, yes,no, eat, finished, and (of course) toilet (3 of the boys in our house are non-verbal, but 2 can understand sign language, and one knows some signs himself), experienced my first anthroposophical religious service (we go with the kids to services at beaver run every sunday, i play viola in one of them...i'm trying to keep an open mind, but my first impression= far too solemn, and a bit bizarre), picked apples, played with clay, taken kids for long nature walks, witnessed some of the most violent tantrums i've ever seen (think about the full-fledged temper of toddler coming from a nearly-six-foot 16 year old boy who can't verbally express himself), nearly cried with frustration, and laughed til my stomach hurt.
it's hard to patient with myself, to remember that it's only been a week and i can't expect to understand everything shelby is trying to tell me when he grabs and points (he doesn't speak), or what the world looks like to jonathon, what makes him happy, or frustrated....that getting to know these kids is just like getting to know anyone else, it takes time. it's remarkable how well some of them adjust, moving to a new house, meeting new co-workers, being away from their families, starting a new school year...it has to be just as overwhelming for them as it is for me, if not more so...
overall, one week in, although i'm busier and working harder than ever before, more exhausted than i've ever been, i'm having a blast. it seems a strong sense of humour is a must-have to survive in beaver run, so it's a good thing i like to giggle... the kids in our house are so lively, there's so much laughter and music and light in the house, and i really dig the other co-workers. we're beginning to work well as a team, which is exciting.
i've been asked to start teaching a yoga class for other co-workers, although with our schedule it'll have to be either 6am or after 9:00 at night, so we'll see...i'd love to make it happen. some of the kids seem capable of it as well...i'm also probably helping to teach drama for one of the high school kids "club nights". some other goals for my "free time" (whenever that is)...study sign language (monica, you're my number one resource!), learn as much about beekeeping and honey-making as i possibly can from andreas, who lives with us and keeps bees in beaver run, and expand the herb garden next to the house (right now we've just got lemongrass, peppermint, sage, and a little yarrow) and in a few weeks i start working in the barn on sundays, and taking some kids riding...i'm so excited to hang out with horses again, it's been far too long. while here i'm also taking the seminar in curative education, which started yesterday...classes in human development, observation, history of disabilities, waldorf education...more on that later.
so it's obviously a challenge to make time for myself here, we'll see how that goes. i miss all my dear far away friends and loved ones so much it hurts, and continue to be thrilled and astounded at how adventurous, courageous, and inspiring you beautiful people are. the countryside of rural pennsylvania is quaint and beautiful, and it's rejuvenating to be surrounded by trees and breathing fresh air, but dammit, i do miss the chicago love.

2005-09-06T17:06:00.000-07:00

i have a blog! welcome to my blog!! ahhh, technology....so this is a big step for me, this use-of-the-internet-to-document-my-adventures-and-make-it-possible-for-loved-ones-far-away-to-read-about-them-thing...we'll see how it goes. don't worry, i still much prefer the written letter and will be penning them as often as i can.
so i arrived in beaver run last sunday (that's the name of the village, camphill special school beaver run, to be precise), after tearful farewells to dear friends in chicago--all of whom i already miss dearly, by the way, and i hope this blog business is helpful with the keeping in touch- and today's been my first moment of quiet and solitude, being my first day off. tuesday is my one day off a week, a very precious day indeed, as life in beaver run is proving to be veryveryveryveryveryvery busy already, and things've just barely gotten started...
so beaver run is a school and village for kids with special needs, and i'm a short term co-worker, which mean i'll be here for about a year, living in a house with kids, working in a classroom, assisting the older kids in vocational crews, taking training courses myself, sharing cooking and cleaning responsibilities in the house, and just generally running around like crazy with special needs kids six days a week. the village itself is amazing, and the kids are beyond words...just such beautiful mysteries. we have nine high school students in our house, which is called rowan, five boys and four girls, and i've already fallen in love with each of them. they're all so different...some are high-functioning, which means they can speak and are capable of doing some things for themselves and understanding when you speak to them, others don't speak and need a lot of physical assistance...they're each unique, obviously. school starts tomorrow, and i'll be assisting in the 6th/7th grade class, i'm excited and unsure of what to expect. it's all been really overwhelming so far, wonderful, but overwhelming...the long-term co-workers are so lovely, they just keep reassuring us that it will get easier...
i'm surprised at how international the community is, american co-workers are actually pretty scarce around here! in our house there's one other american girl a few years older than i, and the five other co-workers are all either german or hungarian...it's cool. and there are so many people here who've really made beaver run a long-term home, they raise their kids here, have been here living and teaching for 10, 15, 25, 40 years...it's amazing. the village is situated on a beautiful hill overlooking gorgeous countryside, we have a big biodynamic vegetable garden, goats, sheep, piglets (!!!! they just came 2 days ago! they're so adorable, and yet they'll someday be bacon...circle of life?), and horses, a craft house with a pottery(where i'll be working in the afternoons), weavery, and woodshop, a schoolhouse with grades kindergarten through 12th, and outdoor pool, and i-don't-even-know-how-many houses....maybe 12? anyway, the other co-worker and staff also seem like an amazing mix of people with so many different skills, from gardening to beekeeping to herbology to animal care....amazing, i tell ya.
so i'm gonna use this here blog to describe this crazy place as best i can, and hopefully some of ya'll can come visit, because yes i can have visitors!!! i love and miss you all much much much, i hope people like reading this thing...next time it'll be more interesting and less general,maybe not so long-winded, i promise, but for now i can't stare at a computer screen any longer, must get back to fresh air and sunshine, so that's it for now!